Every morning, when I get to my toothbrush, I find these two tablets.

Each day, I pick them both up and I swallow them.

I am honestly not sure what they are. But they’ve been there for a few months now.

Occasionally, if I forget to take them, the next day the dose is doubled.

So on those days, I am given four.


It struck me today that I could be being murdered. Slowly but surely.


But because I trust Lisa I just take the tablets.

However this morning, as I left the bathroom, I looked over at her through slightly squinted eyes.

She looked back.


This cold and terrible act. This frozen blooded monster, killing me slowly. Silently.

Thinking back, I think she gave me a half smile this morning. And then glanced over my shoulder to check the pills had gone.

Then she left the bedroom.


What evil is this?

I shall face her tonight. And for anyone reading this, if I don’t write a story ever again, you know who to talk to.


I am glad I am thinking reasonably and rationally about this. And not stirring myself into a panic because of silly self-talk.

I never do that.

And before I go, the front door key is under the green plant pot. THE GREEN ONE.

Just in case anyone needs to get into my house to give me CPR tomorrow morning when SHE, after reading this, accelerates her evil plan.

Thank you you for being there for me.


  1. I am concerned for your wellbeing.

    But I am also being selfish. I came looking for new inspiration, provocation and education. There was nothing new to find. And I’ve already read Trust, Crisps and Little and Grow Up more than once.

    Today is the 18th of October, the day my new windows were meant to be installed. But they aren’t. I digress.

    This was written on the 15th of October, the day my new fire was meant to be installed – and it was!

    Have no thoughts emanated from your mind in the intervening days? Have you lost the use of your hands? Have you just though Blog Schmog and thrown in the towel?

    I doubt it. But here we are, your hungry audience, salivating for another bag of salty, dripping-fried thought chips sprinkled with a liberal shake of Northern vinegar wit.

    Are you frying tonight?

    Actually, not only is this a gentle butt kick, but I’m writing a lot at the moment – a new website for a drinks consultancy – and reading you makes me a better, more honest writer. So this is actually me stretching at the pitchside, warming up synapses and fingers before I jog onto the pitch.

    Morning MIchael. Fancy a brew?

    • However I have had this same toothbrush for about 5 years now. It occasionally regenerates, Ed. It becomes better. It sometimes changes colour but make no mistake, when I go to the bathroom it just gets better by itself. Every couple of months. The same toothbrush. Very odd.

      A bit like Trigger’s Broom.

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