ROW.

‘Just heard this row.

In the kitchen.

It was scary!

First Voice:  I’ll just have 2 eggs thanks. I’m eating loads. Being in all the time.

Second Voice:  You want 5 eggs.

First Voice:  Sorry?

Second Voice:  You want 5 eggs. There are 5 eggs boiled in that pan. Eat them all.

First Voice:  Ha! No. Thank you. I’ll just have 2 eggs thanks.

Second Voice:  Eat 5 eggs. It’s OK to eat 5 eggs. And you’ll need a slice of toast as well. With butter. You can do that because eggs are good for you and because you love eggs with toast. And you love toast with butter. So eat all 5 of those eggs. With toast. And butter.

First Voice:  Look. You really aren’t listening. I’m eating loads. Being in all the time. I can’t eat 5 boiled eggs. And toast. And butter.

Second Voice:  Yes you can. Eat them all. You want to eat 5 eggs. And toast. And butter.

First Voice:  I fucking DO NOT want to eat 5 eggs warmed back up in the microwave. With salt and pepper. And toast from that brown seedy loaf. And the butter with bits of crunchy salt in that’s in the fridge so I can take my time and spread it in little slices on the hot toast.

Second Voice:  Yes you do.

First Voice:  I fucking DON’T.

Second Voice:  Yes you do.

First Voice:  I fucking DON’T.

Second voice:  Yes you…

First Voice:  OH ALRIGHT! I’ll each 5 fucking eggs and a slice of toast from that brown seedy loaf then. Spread with little slices of cold, salty butter so I can watch it melt before I eat it. Fucking hell. Are you happy now!? I’m already eating about twice what I ate before this fucking lockdown. And I’ve got you telling me to eat more and fucking more! Are you happy now?

Second Voice: Yes.

First Voice: Thank you!

PAUSE. 

Second Voice: There’s Creme Eggs on the sideboard.

First Voice: OH FUCK OFFFFFF!!!!

Row. 

Just heard this row.

In the kitchen.

It was scary!

(Particularly as I was the only person in house).