DPD’s Customer Service Phoneline is not a Customer Service Phoneline.
Because it doesn’t ‘Service Customers’.
It does something else.
So I’ll name it more accurately in just a moment.
DPD Customer Service Phoneline.
When you call DPD’s Customer Service Phoneline.
A young, script-reading person asks you what’s up.
You tell them.
Then you ask them what might happen next as a result of you telling them what’s up.
They say, ‘I’m not sure’.
Then you ask them if someone will call you back to tell you what might happen next as a result of your telling them what’s up.
They say, ‘I’m not sure’.
Then no one calls back.
Rename.
So here’s the rename.
It’s not,
“The DPD Customer Service Phoneline”.
It’s,
“The DPD shit-ignorant management idea Phoneline that does absolutely fuck all other than enable DPD to say they have a Customer Service Phoneline. Because all the phone line actually does is waste the time of already-pissed-off customers, for absolutely no fucking reason at all. So the customer thinks that DPD is not just shit because of the reason they rang the phoneline in the first place, but also because of how they treat the person who already thinks they’re shit. Reenforcing the fact that DPD are even more shit that you thought they were before you picked the phone up…
…Phoneline.”
You’re welcome.
