Some days.

No matter how good or bad things are going.

I only look on the shite side.

Some days.

I imagine only the worst thing that can happen.

And if someone asked me if the glass was half full or half empty.

I’d just tell them how shit the glass was.

Clouds.

Some days.

Clouds descend.

I become Mr. Shiteside.

That said, because I drink less alcohol these days.

And because I drink much less caffeine.

And because I exercise regularly.

I’m much better.

Yet still.

Some days.

I can find the cloud for every silver lining.

Advice.

My best advice to me.

In an attempt to understand Mr. Shiteside.

Was get to know him better.

To try to understand how he ‘ticks’.

To try to understand what triggered his appearance.

And – most importantly – to try to understand what he is actually for. 

To try to understand what value the ‘Mr. Shiteside’ version of me adds.

To anything.

Mr. Shiteside.

So I have analysed Mr. Shiteside.

The version of me that imagines only the worst things that can happen.

To find out what he is worth, if you like.

And so far.

The answer is…

Absolutely nothing.

You.

And as for your Mr. (or Mrs.) Shiteside.

They’re also worth nothing.

(Apart from if you change the lyrics to the Killers song to Mr. Shiteside.

In your head.

Then that’s quite funny).

But in any other capacity – useless.

Here is The Killer’s killer tune, live (with the story behind where the tune actually came from).

Sing and smile, here: https://www.50odd.co.uk/mr-shiteside/

4 Comments

  1. Looking forward to watching them tear the roof of the Pyramid stage this weekend – in front of the telly during our annual Glastonbury LoungeFest.

    I think Mr Shiteside makes a useful non-exec director. He’s no longer allowed on the shop floor, but I’ll sometimes let him in the boardroom for an occasional meeting. – just so he can provide some checks and balances: a dystopian, cynical, nihilistic counterpoint to my usually sunny disposition.

    It’s best not to listen to his continuous demands to be made MD though.

    • Michael Owen

      I am agreeing with you not just because you’re my pal and because you’re clever – but because I do actually agree with you Shaughn.

      I don’t want to be Mr. Shiteside.

      But he is valuable to have around sometimes.

      I used to employ a technical lead called Jude.

      Miserable bastard was his default setting.

      Could find fault in anything.

      He prided himself on this.

      And once I understood this – he became a really positive fault-finder on all sort of things, actually.

      Because I am quite excitable and sometimes jump in without thinking.

      He probably saved me quite a bit of time and money.

      By stopping me doing things I shouldn’t.

      See you!

      M.

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