MELVE.

I was in ASDA last Saturday and I photographed some guy’s underpants.

I don’t know who he was.

All I know is, when he bent down to look at things on a lower shelf in ASDA, his underpants were sticking out of the top of the back of his jeans by about 2 inches.

So I photographed them.

50. 

I’m 50 years old, yet I really wanted to ‘melve’ this guy.

When I was at school aged no more than 12, if anyone was unfortunate enough to have their underwear sticking out of the back of their trousers, they were in danger.

They were in danger of being ‘melved’.

This means someone grabbing the underwear and pulling them upwards so quickly and so firmly that they either tear or lift the person from the ground and up into the air.

The ‘melvee’ would scream of course.

And the ‘melver’ would laugh.

ASDA.

In ASDA in Byker (just in case it was you) I was transported back almost 40 years.

I really did want to park my trolley.

Look slowly right.

Then slowly left.

Then lift this guy right off the ground by his protruding underpants shouting ‘Melve!’ as we both fell to the floor and he wrestled to break free from my vicelike grip.

Pans.

He was looking at pans at the time.

And I did imagine him laughing a good natured laugh and saying, ‘Ooooh – you got me!’ as his basket clattered against the saucepans.

The reality would have been quite different.

A punch to the face.

A police caution.

Or GBH charge.

Or at least two of the above.

We’re the same. Aren’t we?

Anyhow, I just wanted to let you know some of the things that cross my mind as I wander around Newcastle.

Because I know that these kinds of thoughts cross your mind too.

Don’t they?

So; we’re similar yes?

Aren’t we?

Hello?

Is anyone there?

Hello?

(If you’re reading this in your email, here’s the photo: http://www.50odd.co.uk/melve/).