“Here.
Geoff.
We’re ‘Evri’ now aren’t we?
We’re not Hermes any more.
‘That right?”

“Yeah, that’s right.
We’re Evri now.”

“What does it mean?
Evri, I mean.
What does it actually mean?”

“Dunno.
Other than it meaning we’re trying to move on from them out there thinking we don’t give a shit.
Because of our shit customer service.
Because we kept getting caught on cctv cameras throwing parcels about.
Because we don’t pay couriers properly.
Oh and because of that thing in the papers where they were all taking about how the bosses here at Hermes…
I mean Evri.
Used to ask us to act stupid when customers complained.
That might have  something to do with it.”

“Ah right.
Heh! Yeah that was all a bit shit wasn’t it.
So what do I do with this tape then?”

“What tape?”

“I’ve got a shitload of this Hermes packing tape but we use Evri postage labels now.
And I’ve just sat on this parcel and fucked it.
Only some of the stuff in it is knackered so that’s alright.
And I need to fasten the box back up.
But I’ve only got this Hermes tape.”

“Look.
I’ve just said.
We’re Evri now.
We’re different.
They’ve put 7 million quid into our pensions.
They’ve paid an agency as much if not more to make up a four letter word, pick some funny fonts, register a domain name, do some adverts and all that shit.
It’s a new beginning, Dan.”

“But I’ve not got any Evri tape Geoff.”

PAUSE

“Just use the Hermes stuff then.”

“But you just said…”

“I know!
Just use it.
And plaster it on in all sorts of funny directions.
Right next to the Evri logo.
That’s right.
Make it look like you really don’t give a shit.”

“OK Geoff.
Thanks”

“Welcome, Dan.
Welcome.”

2 Comments

  1. Shaughn McGurk Reply

    Mychael, this is brilliant. The subject is awful, shameful, ignorant, complacent, and downright stupid. But your telling of the story, your highlighting of the failure and incompetence is brilliant. Please get this out onto LinkedIn as soon as possible.

    I’m going to use this as lesson in future branding workshops.

    Stay sharp.

    Shaughn

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