I was chatting to a friend his week.

About my ‘Change Year’.

My Change Year was 2014.

Change Year.

On June the somethingth, 2014.

I triggered the closure of the small group of businesses that I’d founded and run for 14 years.

My eyebrows were up.

I was whistling.

I was striding.

And I felt totally, totally fine.

Because the decision was made.

Because I was about to move in a fresh, new direction.

Because I was radically changing my entire life.

(I like change).

And because it was exciting!

Week 1. 

As week 1 passed.

My strides had turned to steps.

I slowed down a bit.

Because new realities were biting.

I wanted to help team members to get new roles.

But some didn’t want help.

In fact, some didn’t want anything at all from me.

This guy that was selfishly removing their current job.

I wanted to explain to suppliers and partners.

Why I just had to change my life.

And how that included closing profitable businesses.

And whilst one or two patted me on my back.

Many just turned their back.

And walked away.

Assumption.

I also had to manage inaccurate assumption.

Assumption about my motives for moving on.

And, by week 2, all of this had slowed my strides to steps.

And my steps to a shuffle.

This was hard!

Really hard.

The businesses had defined me.

For 14 years.

And now I was dismantling them.

All that was left.

Was me.

Me.

People looked directly at me.

And judged.

I looked directly at me.

And judged.

Maybe they’re right.

Maybe I am dismantling all of this because I just can’t do it any more.

Because I was failing anyway.

Because I was frightened.

Overthinking.

Can be a terrible thing.

Change Year.

My Change Year was really, really hard.

And it kept getting harder.

Some days, I thought I couldn’t cope.

But I did.

Some days, I thought that I’d made a massive mistake.

But I hadn’t.

Most days, I thought I was getting weaker.

But in actual fact.

Even though I didn’t realise it at the time.

I was getting stronger.

New Me. 

The new me had to learn and relearn many, many things.

But I do remember a few simple lessons more than any other.

So I told my friend this week.

My friend who is also considering change.

I think I said something like this:

If you are going to change.

Change big!

Change everything.

And don’t feel that you have to explain yourself.

At all.

To anyone.

Not even to yourself.

Because sometimes.

Things are not understandable by the rules and emotions that you know today.

They only become understandable by a new set of rules and emotions that you learn tomorrow.

And anyhow.

All I knew.

Was that if I stayed where I was.

I’d become destructive.

Sadder.

Increasingly lost.

Increasingly restless and dissatisfied.

So in some ways I am not sure that I even made a decision on June the somethingth 2014.

I think that I just let something happen.

Let Something Happen.

Nothing will prepare you for the bad times.

But if you want the good times.

You have to face both.

All the best.

If any of what I went through. 

Can help with what you might go through. 

Or already are going through

Drop me a line. 

michael@50odd.co.uk.

2 Comments

  1. Avatar

    It makes me feel better when I know you’ve got my back.

    I keep my chips carefully. Still in the game? F**k yeah.

    Apologies, I went a bit Victoire just for a moment. I’m reading his book, and bits are rubbing off.

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