Here’s a funny thing I’ve noticed.

When I was younger, I used to say:

Why on earth would you want to do that?

If it’s not making you any money?

These days, I somehow find myself saying this:

Why on earth would you want to do that?

If all it is doing is making you money.

There’s a lesson in there somewhere.

50odd is stuttering right now.

Because the world.

(And my world).

Is stuttering right now, too.


There’s Covid of course.

But I’m also moving house.

And we’ve relaunched Always Wear Red, ANGELFYSH and mychael this year.

(By choice of course.

‘Not complaining).

The result is 50odd is not being written every day.

So it’s not being sent every day.

And where I’d normally deep-dive into something emotional or ‘thinky’ with 50odd.

Three or four times a week.

Current I am not.

The 50-odd Project.

The 50-odd project is still on though.

I will still write 3,650 stories.

1 story each day.

For 10 years.

(I’m 2 years in).

I’m just a few days behind .

November 2020

So please stay with me.

Things will stabilise as we move through November.

I’ll catch up and fill the gaps.

And 2021 will be good.

I’m exploring a 50odd book.

And a 50odd club.

Both of them for you and people like you.

So thank you for being involved so far.

See you soon.

I was most selfish in my thirties.

Not nasty selfish.

Focused selfish.


It was a raw selfishness.

A selfishness that led to neglected siblings.

Neglected friends.

A neglected mother.

Neglected relationships.

And probably more besides.


I was achieving, you see.

I was growing my first proper businesses.

I was afraid of failing.

And because I was doing a whole load of things for the first time.

Simple things took longer.

So to get the results I wanted.

I had to work harder.

Harder than I’d have to do now to get the same results

Because I have more experience now.

But I was young back then.

And inexperienced.

The Selfish Thirties. 

I see this now.

A mirror of me.

How I was.

I see it in people in their twenties occasionally.

And in their thirties much more often.

The Selfish Thirties.

And I just wanted to say that it may be worth pausing from time to time.

If you sense that this is you.

Or if you sense that this is someone you know.

Because The Selfish Thirties.

Like all decades.

They fly by

And I actually don’t think that selfishness or success are an either-or choice.

I think you can have both.

So check yourself.

Check your siblings.

Check your friends.

Check your parents.

Check your relationships.

Then check yourself.

Because The Selfish Thirties are real.

And they needn’t be.

It’s SO annoying.

Take a look at the photo alongside this story.

And then I’ll tell you all about it:

The Bathroom Cabinet Game.


This is the game we play.

Lisa and I.

Even though neither of us has ever said we are playing it.

Even though neither of us has ever explained or had the rules explained to us.

We both know we are playing it.

And we both know how to play.


Every time I go for my tub of hair stuff.

In the bathroom cabinet.

Lisa’s face stuff is on top of it.

So I catch myself in the mirror.

Mouthing obscenities.


As I slip my hair stuff out from beneath her face stuff.

Use it.

And put it back on top.



Next day.

Lisa must go in there too.

Catching herself in the mirror.

Mouthing obscenities.


As she slips her face stuff out from beneath my hair stuff.

Uses it.

And just as I had done the day before.

She puts it back on top again.


And so this goes on.

These little things we tolerate.

These little games we play.

Until yesterday.



I paused.

And I wondered how I will feel.

Or how Lisa will feel.

(Because the day will definitely come).

When I reach for my hair stuff.

And it is still top of the pile.

Or when Lisa reaches for her face stuff.

And it is still top of the pile.

Because that day.

One or other of us might think that we won The Bathroom Cabinet Game.

When in actual fact.

That is the day that whoever is left standing there.

Left to catch their expression in the mirror.

As their eyes flick across to catch their own gaze.

At that moment they will know that they have not won The Bathroom Cabinet Game at all.


They will in fact realise.

They lost.

Change is disconcerting.

Because it’s scary leaving familiar.

To set sail for unfamiliar.

Another reason.

But there’s another reason that change is scary, too.

And if you acknowledge this reason.

Change itself becomes a whole lot more palatable.


When you think about change.

And moving from ‘here’ to there’.

You demonise ‘here’.

And you romanticise ‘there’.

Because that kind of thinking gives you the impetus to make the first move.

It’s an understandable tactic.

But it can also have an unfortunate side effect.

It can take the focus away completely from the space in between ‘here’ and ‘there’.

And you can end up feeling completely lost.

Here and There.

The space between ‘here’ and ‘there’ is valuable.

It’s where you learn.

So by definition it’s where imperfection lives.

And mistakes.

And disappointment.

And demotivation.

And worse!

And it is important to acknowledge and expect these things.

Because you have to go through bad to get to good.

Then through good to get to great.


If you start to feel insecure as you travel between the ‘here’ and ‘there’.

It’s because you’re meant to feel insecure as you travel between the ‘here’ and ‘there’.

You are literally ‘without security’.

So enjoy the journey.

Because if you are ambitious by nature.

And restless by nature.

(And if you have read this far you probably are).

You’ll set sail again.

Because you’ll very soon be seduced.

By another, different ‘there’.

As it once again dawns on you.

That last year’s ‘there’

Just became this year’s ‘here’.

Peter hadn’t modelled before.

He’s just a cool guy that I used to see from time to time.

From my home office window.

Sauntering around the marina next to my house.

Taking his dog Marley for a walk.


I asked Peter to model for Always Wear Red.

Peter said he didn’t like having his photo taken.

And that he’d think about it.


He said yes.


Two years later.

Peter’s now Always Wear Red’s most photographed model of all.

And his age when he first ventured into modelling?


Here he is:

People die.

Moments and memories don’t.

Which is a nuisance really.

But it’s just the way it is.

Moments and Memories.

What this thought does help me to understand a little better though.

Is legacy.

Because as I get older.

I do increasingly wonder how to leave evergreen good thing behind me.

When I die.

And the answer.

I think.

Is to create things that you love.

And moments and memories that you love.

With and for other people to love too.

Small thing.

It’s a small thought.

But it’s a big thought too.

Creating things that you love.

Moments and memories.

For other people to love too.

Because whilst people die.

Love doesn’t.

Which is a nuisance really.

But it’s just the way it is.

There’s a lot wrong with the world.

But right up there.

Is a fucking precompressed helical spring toy invented by Richard James in the early 1940’s.

That your 4 year old daughter dumps on your bloody desk for you to unravel.

When you’re in the middle of running 4 brands.

Copywriting for 4 clients that are relying on you to be world class.

All of which is manageable of course.

Yet I can’t unravel this bastard thing.

For my patient, doe-eyed daughter.

Stood staring at me.

By my desk.



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