The baddies in Scooby-do don’t like it. And neither do I.

The baddies in Scooby-do don’t like meddling as it means, because of those pesky kids – the baddies don’t get away with it.

And as a Brand Director, I don’t like meddling because it means, because of those pesky micromanaging boardroom bods – meddling marketers end up buggering about with little things that don’t matter, instead of big things that do.

Or in other words, meddling marketers end up doing what nobody cares about except people inside the business, instead of what the audience does care about – outside the business. Something daring and connecting to get the brand noticed, remembered and chosen.

Yes, the meddlers might get just the right Pantone across touchpoints. But – in business – to prioritise things like that over clear strategy, character, distinctiveness, edge and memorability is just plain silly.

So whilst meddling marketers switch this one word for that one word, Bic’s magnificent marketers are turning their key brand asset – the iconic pen – into MASSIVE (and massively desirable) wall lights.

And whilst meddling marketers switch this photo for that photo, Lego and Croc’s magnificent marketers are collaborating to make crazy shoes.

And whilst meddling marketers shift from this blue to that a-little-bit-darker blue, Tesco’s magnificent marketers create floor-mounted ‘Need anything from Tesco?’ billboards from flowers, that you can pick up and take home.

And whilst meddling marketers rush to get that one insta post out at this time not that time, Chupa Chup’s magnificent marketers are taking the piss out of themselves by launching Limited Edition easy-open lollies.

(By the way, these are big brand examples, but any brand thinking).

One more thing.

Do you know how you can tell the most prolific marketing meddlers?

They work in packs.

Optimum meddling happens when meddlers flock. All as short sighted as each other. Unaware that to market quickly and well, one marketing mind with a focus on clear strategy, character, distinctiveness, edge and memorability – if trusted to lead – moves infinitely faster and further than half a dozen meddling ones.

Meddling marketers end up doing what nobody cares about except people inside the business, instead of what the audience does care about – outside the business. Something daring and connecting to get the brand noticed, remembered and chosen.

The baddies in Scooby-do don’t like it. And neither do I.

Wincing.
A business skill.
Who knew?

Most days, I wince at something that’s just not good enough at our Old Post Office Riverside Holiday Cottages in Northumberland.

I could avoid this uncomfortable wincing, of course. If I wasn’t so bothered about our hospitality business, life would be far less… wincey.

We roam cottages and gardens with magnifying glasses.

Noticing.
Painting.
Repairing.
Polishing.
Replacing.
Upgrading.
Inventing.
Giggling as we add new stuff…

New vinyl for to the vinyl collections (Human League’s ‘Dare’. Fab!)
New midnight snacks for fridges (BIG Tony Chocolonely ‘Everything’ bars).
New squeaky donut toys for doggo guests to make annoying noises with, then take home.
New Do Books for the mini Do Book Libraries.
New warm sourdough and cinnamon bun deliveries from our local The Grateful Bread Bakery.

We look.
Then notice.
Then wince.
Then act.

In 2025, 96% of reviews for Old Post Office Riverside Holiday Cottages in Northumberland were a perfect 10/10.

In 2026, the last 30 reviews are all 10/10. So our 10/10 reviews are, at least for a little while, 100%.

Why?

I think it’s the wincing.

Wincing.
A business skill.
Who knew?

Most times, when I’m lucky enough to be plonked at a board table as Fractional Brand Director, I’m flanked by (some or all of) an Operations, Finance, HR, Sales and Managing Director. Lovely people as a rule. But, when I first arrive, they don’t half talk a lot of sense.

For my liking, there’s nowhere near enough nonsense talked in boardrooms these days.

When I first arrive, those fine Director-types don’t half talk a lot of sense about turnover, conversion rates, profit, seo, followers, average transaction value, market share, waste, ai findability, staff turnover, client attrition and marketing spend versus turnover etc.

You know, stuff you can measure. And whilst all this sensibleness is important, so too is nonsense.

Nonsense like warm cookies, puddles, potatoes, cardboard chickens, recommending the competition, loss-making unlimited delivery for a small fixed fee, contradictory customer instructions that don’t make sense, showing crap to customers (when everybody else hides it), when you’re competing in a market with a ‘we’ve got a longer warranty than you’ game – don’t offer any warranty at all, watching cabbage pickle on a webcam – over 6 months, and describing the models your agency represents as daft and underfed.

All nonsense. Interesting, noticeable, jarring, attention-grabbing, ‘eh?-inducing’ memory moulding nonsense.

When I first arrive in a boardroom as Fractional Brand Director, the people around the table don’t half talk sense. For my liking, there’s nowhere near enough nonsense talked in board rooms these days.

…

1. Warm Cookies. DoubleTree Hilton give away 20 million warm cookies at check-in, every year.
2. Puddles. Drummond Central’s Puddle Cam, capturing people navigating a big puddle outside their office in 2016, had over half a million views.
3. Potatoes. A New York creative agency didn’t bother investing in a glossy brochure direct mail and follow up call, they sent a potato instead. How many targets remembered receiving the potato, smiling and chatting when called? About 90%.
4. Chickens (and eggs). I recommended a print company sent amazingly printed die cut chickens to a mailing list. Then amazingly printed die cut eggs to the same list. Then rang them and asked, well, you know. How many targets remembered receiving the chicken or the egg, smiling and chatting when called? About 80%.
5. Recommending the competition. I recommended that a category leading engineering brand, famous for accurately prescribing only the correct tools, recommended the competition, with this line: “If you want the wrong cutting tool much, much faster than we can manage, call <competitor name>.”
6. Loss-making unlimited free delivery for a small fixed fee. Amazon Prime.
7. Contradictory customer instructions that don’t make sense. I recommended a packaging company, famous for protecting contents better than anybody else, printed boxes with, “This Way Up” and, on the same box upside down, “Or This Way Up If You Like. Not Bothered.”
8. Showing crap to customers (when everybody else hides it). Dyson’s transparent dirt bins.
9. Offer no warranty at all when the entire market is playing the ‘Our warranty is longer than your warranty’ game. I recommended brand positioning (measurably) as the worlds toughest, and make sure you never fail against the criteria you set.
10. Watching cabbage pickle on a webcam – over 6 months. I recommended this for a brand famous for its obsession with time as as the most important ingredient in the delivery of premium weddings, category-leading wellness events – and Michelin star quality food.
11. Describe the models your agency represents as daft and underfed. I recommended the campaign headline, for a modelling agency, of “Thick and Thin”. Thus triggering a flipped narrative that this agency had the most informed, mission-focussed, real and diverse models in the category.

All nonsense. All brilliant.

PS. If you’d like me to talk nonsense with you about your business, please drop me a line. I can take on one more client in 2026.